Fae Discusses The Latest Dating Trends From Too Much Texting To Ghosting And How To Break Your Bad Dating Habits
Envision, if you will, a real fairy godmother at your disposal to steer you through the not-so-fairy tale land of dating. Imagine the doomed ending of Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty without the wisdom, kindness, and good ol’ hocus pocus of that most endearing of magical beings.
Okay, so magic spells and fairy dust aren’t real, at least for us mortals, but experts with years of practice, research, intuition, and personal experience do. In today’s minefield of dating, we all could use a personal fairy godmother more than we care to admit. Dating and relationship coaches are among the most popular and prolific personalities on YouTube and social media–proving that we still haven’t perfected the game of finding and keeping love.
Jacqueline Fae is one such fairy godmother. The “Faery Matchmaker,” as she calls herself, Fae is the founder and CEO of the exclusive IDL (I Deserve Love) Match Club, a dating coach, author, and future podcast host. Fae spent over a decade as a working actress in Hollywood, where she was called the Scream Queen for her frequent roles in horror films. But Fae’s life and career took a sharp detour after a devastating romantic breakup and a deep dive into the study of psychology. With a focus on personal relationships, Fae immersed herself in NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) to fully grasp the root motivations behind why we do what we do, especially as they relate to romance.
Fae channeled her knowledge into a life mission that led to her own fairytale romance that has brought her a loving marriage and two precious children. Now an acclaimed and highly sought-after relationship expert, Fae is dedicated to helping everyone from executives with private jets to working professionals find the love and happiness they deserve.
No one knows the choppy, and often treacherous, waters of modern dating like Fae. With her sharp instincts and deep knowledge of what makes our hearts and brains tick, Fae disseminates the latest TikTok dating slang, dating etiquette (which many adults, apparently, have not learned), ghosting, and how to avoid common mistakes that keep us in a romantic rut.
Let’s Be Real
Everyone on IG may do it, but when it comes to your dating profile photos, Fae says to keep it real. “A little Photoshop is okay, but people are overdoing it, and it’s too much,” she warns. Artifice is not real and Fae strongly advises clients against the temptation to over-filter. No one looks like a drawing, she says, even the most attractive among us.
The same goes for age. Shaving off two or three years is fine, but not a decade. “It’s important to be as authentic as possible,” she advises. That means photos should look like you in the flesh – flaws and all. “People are going to notice when you show up. So be real.”
The TikTok Dating Dictionary
Phubbing–We’ve all seen it – one party on a date is more engaged with their phone than the other person. Fae warns this is unacceptable etiquette unless the call is an emergency and there is a genuine apology for the interruption. “If you say something like, ‘Oh my God, I’m so, so sorry. I have to deal with this for five minutes. I want to apologize. Please forgive me,’ I think that’s okay. It happens,” notes Fae. Otherwise, the offending party is not suitable dating material.
Fae stresses the importance of being present on every date, even if you are not feeling it. Moving your attention to your phone is not an acceptable alternative for boredom or disinterest. “You are always going to experience some bad dates,” Fae contends. “Just be as positive as possible, because you never know. Besides, sitting through a date being miserable makes for a miserable experience. If you just try to enjoy yourself and have a good conversation, you’re going to have a lot more fun. You can laugh about it later, but there is no reason to be miserable.”
Beige Flags–We all know about red flags and what we should do when waved in our faces. But beige? Apparently, it really is a thing according to TikTok and Google. In short, it’s a quirk or characteristic someone exhibits that annoys you, but is not innately good or bad. Maybe the person in question likes a song you think is lame, or maybe they enjoy food you think is gross. Perhaps it is something that gives you an “ew” vibe. Or it could be a bigger lifestyle issue, such as he or she is a vegan and you are in hog heaven at a Texas-style barbecue. According to Fae, it’s best to get to know someone a bit more and see if it can be overcome. “I think many people are really quick to throw in the towel and be done with a relationship too quickly,” she observes. Some people may even look for beige flags as an excuse to sabotage a relationship before it gets off the ground to avoid real intimacy. But before you jump ship, says Fae, remember that perfect people don’t exist. “There’s going to be something annoying about every single person on the planet, that’s just the way it is. There’s going to be things you’re not that crazy about. I think too many people are looking for perfection, and it’s why they continue to be single.”
The Soft Launch Breakup–This is really just a fancier phrase for the slow fade. While less crude and finite than ghosting, but equally hurtful, the person initiating the soft launch may delete photos of you as a couple from social media, take longer to respond to calls or texts, or not make plans until you get the hint. They do whatever it takes to avoid an uncomfortable conversation or just continue to keep you in a holding pattern.
As a diligent advocate of authenticity, Fae believes this is not an adult or evolved method to handle a breakup. As much as you would rather avoid conflict, conceal the truth, or just be a coward, Fae condemns wasting people’s time and urges us to grow up (or grow a pair) and come clean where you stand, even if you have to confess you met someone else or reunited with an ex. “It’s just really immature and irresponsible. Just be straight. Yes, it hurts. But I think any human on this planet would rather hear the truth than be deceived.” Fae stresses that not giving the other person proper closure is needlessly selfish and often leaves the other party unable to move on in their romantic life.
Texts That Kill–While not necessarily a hot TikTok topic, Fae is adamant that you not spoil a good beginning with a litany of lengthy text messages. “I see some of my clients texting novels and then the other person calls me and says ‘I don’t want to meet that guy anymore,’” she says. She suggests just chill on the texting overkill. “Nobody needs to know every detail of your day. And don’t ask someone where they are all the time. Keep some mystery.”
The Three-Month Rule
One of the common modern dilemmas is when to delete or hide your dating profile. While Fae believes this can vary with each couple, it is necessary to talk openly with your partner before hitting the delete button. She advises her clients to wait three months before becoming exclusive. “You don’t really know someone that well until you have been with them for three months,” she asserts. “But once you are intimate, there is likely a connection and you need to have that conversation.”
Old Dating Patterns Need to Die
As a matchmaker with an elite clientele, Fae witnesses more than her fair share of people being too picky for their own good. “Many singles keep dating the same type of person over and over,” observes Fae. “They keep ending up in relationships that don’t work.” Fae admits to being guilty of this when she was single, so she recognizes how detrimental this can be to finding long-lasting love. She reaffirms the importance of breaking blockages that keep one on a dating merry-go-round. To encourage this process and break free from past mental and emotional blockages, she insists we become open to possibilities we may have not considered.
Fae also recommends taking a dating hiatus after a breakup to re-center and completely cut the cord from the previous relationship. “It may take a month or two of not dating and devoting time to yourself,” she proclaims. “Go to the gym, do yoga, meditate, work on yourself and what you want. Write down what you learned and how you can use that in the future.”
To learn more about Jacqueline Fae’s coaching and dating profile services, visit www.thefaerymatchmaker.com.
For information on I Deserve Love matchmaking and personal coaching, visit www.ideservelove.com.
Follow Jacqueline Fae on IG here.